Mr. Skin has the full report on the nudity in the soon-to-be-released Robert Rodriguez movie Machetehere. Mayra Leal and Alicia Rachel Marek both get naked, but in spite of early reports to the contrary, the Lindsay Lohan nudity is always obscured by hair, an arm, or another person entirely. Curses! Meanwhile, a clip from the first five minutes of Machete leaked to the internet today. We’re waiting for the studio to act outraged, even though it hasn’t opened yet, and the quality of the clip is obviously not from some churl sitting in a theater with an cell phone camera. And it just so happens that the clip features an action that is likely to generate a little chatter; namely, Eva Mendes lookalike Leal standing naked and cunningly pulling a cell phone out of her cooter. And why wouldn’t she, I mean, those things vibrate deliciously and the iPap app makes the yearly gyno exam obsolete.
Miranda Kerr got pregnant via nutless cobbler elf Orlando Bloom, but that doesn’t mean that she won’t continue to break new ground in the competitive field of magazine masturbation fodder. First she appeared in her drawers for Victoria’s Secret, then she appeared without the drawers for a bunch of other stuff, now she’s raising the bar for all of us by appearing nude, in Italian Vogue, IN 3D. When I was little, I thought that in 2010 I would live on the moon and use my rocket shoes to get to work, but pulsating supermodel buns in my face while I wear cardboard glasses is just as good.
Entertaining royalty requires a certain amount of decorum. You are to graciously accept your royal host with a two-handed handshake or a curtsy, but never a deep bow. Be sure to let the royal have the first sip of tea. Never discuss politics or money, and always leave your business or calling card. When sipping a beverage, it is customary to hold your pinky out daintily. And, if you’re Naomi Campbell and enjoying a golf outing with Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York, be sure to not wear underwear with your kicky pleated golf skirt so that you can waggle your angry supermodel pee-flaps in her face. Royals find that teddibly civilized and dignified.
Hot on the heels of their Lady Gaga buns cover, here’s Rolling’s Stone’s True Blood buns cover! This time there are two butts! And bonus Skarsgard abs! Allow me to take a moment to point out the hilarity of three people covered in brownish splatter underneath Chuck Berry’s name. And here’s an excerpt from the accompanying article:
The cast of HBO’s True Blood not only strip down for the new Rolling Stone — they also bare all about shooting the show’s racy sex scenes.
Says Alexander Skarsgard (who plays sexy vamp Eric): “I don’t want a sock around it, that feels ridiculous. If we’re naked in the scene, then I’m naked. I’ve always been that way.”
Anna Paquin says she covers up — somewhat. She reveals that she wears a “patch” – a thong-like attire with the sides cut off – while filming nude scenes as her character Sookie Stackhouse.
As for her costar (and real-life fiance) Stephen Moyer ( Bill Compton)? He wears a sock on set — out of consideration for others.
“I’ve got nothing to hide,” he says. “I just think it might be embarrassing for the crew.”
That’s also the reason I choose to wear a burqini to the local community pool. It’s not that I don’t want to show my jawdropping body off–honestly, I’d love to–I just don’t want to make everyone else feel inadequate, see.
Listen. I like Broom-Hilda as much as any Sunday comics page fan, but that doesn’t mean I want to see her ass.
(As you can see in the pic at left, Snookiis wearing underwear, so technically the butt shots aren’t nude. But we’re still putting them behind the cut, so you can pretend you’re grossed out and that you don’t want to look at them when you actually are dying to. Look at me, facilitating your pretend coolness.)
Oh, cool, it’s another interview with Jessica Alba in which she says that she won’t get naked and then claims that she isn’t good-looking. I enjoy these talks, Jessica. They’re so very enlightening. She recently sat down with The Daily Telegraph and talked about a bunch of boring stuff like making a marriage work and losing pregnancy weight. I edited it to only include the interesting parts:
On doing nudity: “I don’t think sexuality and nudity is anything anybody should be ashamed of,” she muses. “In my private life, I’m free and liberal about it. But I feel that, in the US, nudity is not looked at the same way. I lived in Australia for two years and there you see women who are topless and it’s no big deal. Men don’t disrespect women because they can see their breasts. But, in my country, it’s just so different, I’m just sensitive to that.”
On making those “Sexiest” lists: “I don’t really care that much,” she says firmly. “I just enjoy what I do. It’s not about trying to prove anything. I grew up in Southern California, and there are plenty of girls there who are 10,000 times better-looking than I am. If I get dressed up and have someone do my hair and make-up, then I clean up pretty well,” she continues. “But I’m not walking around thinking I’m this great-looking person.”
That’s what everybody says. That Jessica Alba! Woof, what a bowser, right? She’s so twisted and hideous that yesterday, she was about to get a speeding ticket and she smiled vaguely at the policeman and got off with a warning. Not pictured in the photos: the officer’s eyeballs turning into pulsating hearts, steam pouring out of his ears to a comical teapot sound, and his tongue rolling out of his mouth like a carpet runner.
Back in grade school, girls had cooties. They were dumb and probably smelled and played with dolls and cried a lot. Now we’re grown up and girls have cooties again, especially if their yabbos are soft and bouncy and when their ham tunnels are swaddled in fur. Sunday night, the world exploded because a gorgeous porn star got completely naked on television, and instead of falling in love, dudes across America gagged, puked, got the vapors, fainted, and killed themselves. Salon reports:
Sasha Grey… appeared naked on last night’s “Entourage” and caused quite the commotion among the show’s dude-bro contingent. Not because she was naked on-camera… but because she went naked with a full-on bush. Judging from the resulting hysteria on Twitter, it was the Pube-pocalypse. Behold, a few of the standout tweets:
Yea she had a sicko BUSH
Sasha Grey had an ENORMOUS fucking 70s bush. WTF
That shit was so uncalled for
Sasha Grey really should shave her bush
Entourage was wild. So was Sasha Grey’s bush. #EW
did anyone else think that was disgusting. ITS 2010
Grey’s admirable tweet in response to all the haters: “A lot of bush comments after tonight’s #Entourage episode. If you’re curious…that’s what a grown woman looks like. Besides, I shave where it counts ↓ I’m happy to contribute to making it ok again:) All ‘fashions’ have their cycles!”
It’s like in history class when we learned about how in the olden days, women used to take small doses of arsenic to achieve a desirable pallor and everyone in the class shook their heads in wonder. In 2300, a teacher will be like, “And women used to PAY someone to tear out their pubic hair by pouring hot wax on it. Right after they had a doctor inject botulism into their eyebrows.” What a world! What a world we live in.
Two years ago, most people would have gladly given up a lung and six to eight fingers to lay eyes on one glistening Megan Fox muff strand. And what’s weird is that it actually could have happened and yet nobody noticed. I admit that I dropped the ball on this one, but everybody knows I’m a third tier gossip blog that gets my stories from TMZ like everybody else. Plus I have this Let’s Play Ballerina for Nintendo DS addiction that severely limits and cripples my posting. What’s your excuse, Egotastic? How about you, Yeeeah? Where were you in 2008, Celebitchy? Obviously not at the FHM shoot in which Megan Fox pulled down her drawers and flashed some pudenda landing strip. Listen, I’m not going to punish you guys for not catching it. This time. I’d rather you sit and think about what you’ve done, and how you’ve hurt me, personally. Good day. I said good day.
Some people want a movie to change their lives and world view. Some want to laugh, some want to cry. Some want to pay $11 to sit in the dark and talk and text. But I think we can all agree that it’s been a while since we’ve had a film in which ladies got their breasts nibbled on by carnivorous fish after wiping their crotches together underwater. In some new leaked footage from the upcoming Piranha 3-D, Kelly Brook gets very naked, another topless lady gets chopped in half, and to top it all off, it’s in 3-D. They might as well call it Piranha 36-DD. Do you get it? Huh? Do you get it? Pretty good, right? Right?
Sofia Vergara says that if Modern Family gets an Emmy nom, she’ll walk naked down Hollywood Blvd. I’m sure she was 100% serious and not being hyperbolic at all. (Hollyscoop)
Naomi Campbell appears before a war crimes tribunal, because that’s what supermodels do I guess. (Popeater)
Lindsay Lohan wants to get her prison diary published. I hear chapter 4 is all about how to make eyeliner out of your own feces. (Yeeeah!)
New trailer for Kristen Bell/Christina Aguilera movie, Burlesque. How timely. Maybe next they can star in a movie called Rollerderby or Flash Mob. (Crushable)
Rebecca Gayheart and Eric Dane will get some money out of that “sex” tape after all. (Allie)
More tragic: the fact that Amy Winehouse is passed out on a picnic table, or those acid washed clamdiggers? Ooooh, I’m such a bitch! (The Blemish)
Mr. Skin has the full report on the nudity in the soon-to-be-released Robert Rodriguez movie Machete here. Mayra Leal and Alicia Rachel Marek both get naked, but in spite of early reports to the contrary, the Lindsay Lohan nudity is always obscured by hair, an arm, or another person entirely. Curses! Meanwhile, a clip from the first five minutes of Machete leaked to the internet today. We’re waiting for the studio to act outraged, even though it hasn’t opened yet, and the quality of the clip is obviously not from some churl sitting in a theater with an cell phone camera. And it just so happens that the clip features an action that is likely to generate a little chatter; namely, Eva Mendes lookalike Leal standing naked and cunningly pulling a cell phone out of her cooter. And why wouldn’t she, I mean, those things vibrate deliciously and the iPap app makes the yearly gyno exam obsolete.
