Oh. Hey. Look. It’s Kim Kardashian’s ass. Bust out your knee pads because it’s time you give in and worship the double quarter pounders that reside on her backside. I swear, everyone is always complaining that Kim and her sisters are “famous for doing NOTHING!” but does talent really have to be a factor when your hindquarters are this stupefying? Sometimes beauty is all you need for fame. Look at Helen of Troy, Megan Fox, and, um… I don’t know. Leif Garrett.
Hey, look. It’s Kim Kardashian’s butt. This was at something called the Bullrun Live Rally and is newsworthy not because Kim’s hind humps resemble twin mountains in all their majesty, but for the fact that Coco showed up and was like, “You call that an ass? Amateur.”
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Kim Kardashian has a type. The type that professionally slams into other large men. Let’s just hope they don’t mistake her ass for two footballs and try to spike them. Or maybe that’s why Kim dates football players, who can say? According to US, Kim’s got a new man:
On June 6 — more than two months after splitting from New Orleans Saints running back Reggie Bush — the E! Reality star cuddled up with Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Miles Austin, 26, at Casa Vega in L.A.’s Sherman Oaks.
A source says Kardashian, 29, is taking things slowly. “They are dating,” says a source close to her, “but she doesn’t want to rush anything.” Another Kardashian friend tells US, “Kim wants to date someone who gets her busy lifestyle.”
I wasn’t sure how to feel about this, so I looked to Us Weekly’s commenters on the story for help. Apparently, the appropriate reaction to Kim Kardashian dating some guy is to tell her to go back to the Middle East and date Bin Laden. Come on now, Us readers. That is just preposterous. She would get sandburn on her big butt and his funny beard would tickle her if she tried to kiss him.
Kim Kardashian may be more irritating than a seagull with chiggers, but you can’t deny that she is pretty, with her shiny black hair and big brown eyes and flawless velvety skin. Yes, she does have the voice of a thousand Victoria Jacksons, but look at the fetching way that her butt crack refuses to stay in her bikini bottoms. Think of all the things you could hide in there! A bong. School supplies. Your knitting. Extra RAM. A snack, for later. It’s like a fanny pack. No, like a literal fanny pack.
Kim in Miami, wearing bikini after bikini after bikini. Pretend Christina Aguilera is Goldbug and see if you can spot her:
Moms can be so pushy. When you were little, your mother made you take piano lessons and forced you to invite the “slow” child from down the block to your sleepover, and then he peed all over your Construx sleeping bag. But rest assured, that’s nothing compared to Kim Kardashian’s mom, who talked her into stripping naked and posing with a string of pearls across her vulva so that men across the land might masturbate to her image. And Kim hates it. According to our personal gossip nudie photog, Female First:
Kim Kardashian only posed for Playboy because her mother told her to.
She said: “I’m sorry I did Playboy. I was uncomfortable. ‘Go for it,’ my mother said, ‘They might never ask you again. Our show isn’t on the air yet. No one knows who you are. Do it and you’ll have these beautiful pictures to look at when you’re my age.’ “
Coincidentally, that’s exactly the logic Ray-J used when making their sex tape. “Go for it, Kim. You might never get porked from behind on video again. Do it and you’ll have this beautiful record of being rogered up the hoo-hoo hole to look at when you’re an old crone.”
Kim in the latest issue of Bazaar, nude and (she claims) not Photoshopped (hahahahahaha! Oh, that’s rich):
The latest issue of Life and Style involves neither life nor style but is rather obsessed with celebrities and their bodies. On the cover alone, Heidi Montag is “crazy” for wanting bigger boobs, Tori Spelling is starving to death, and Kate Gosselin is breaking down for reasons unknown but they most likely relate to her thighs or her earlobes or her nuts or something. But the best part is Kim Kardashian’s “revenge body”. Some people like to blackmail, some like to scrawl “cheater” on their ex’s door with spray paint, but getting revenge with your body is truly the mark of a master criminal. Kim probably hit the beach and was like, “Oh yeah? Oh yeah? Check this out. In your FACE. How you like me NOW? That’s what I though, bitch! That’s what I thought.” And Reggie Bush fell into a weeping, defeated heap, so profound and intense was the serving of which he found himself on the business end.
A lot of people complain about Kim Kardashian, saying crap like “she’s only famous because she has a big ass!” In what world is that not grounds for fame? Just look at that thing. I’ve never seen anything quite like it in all my years of professionally looking at pictures of celebrities. Frankly, she’s more deserving of fame than Steven Hawking. What has he ever done? Sat in a wheelchair and talked about black holes? He had to strive for that. Kim was born with her talent, like Bobby Fischer. The Bobby Fischer of the butt world, with her anal knight stealing the queen that is my heart.
Kim Kardashian seemed to be recovering from her break-up with Reggie Bush quite well as she ran some errands around Miami today (April 2).
The 29-year-old Keeping Up With The Kardashians star took a hot convertible from her hotel, where fans were ecstatic to see her, to her boutique Dash where she left with a [...]
Oh. Hey. Look. It’s Kim Kardashian’s ass. Bust out your knee pads because it’s time you give in and worship the double quarter pounders that reside on her backside. I swear, everyone is always complaining that Kim and her sisters are “famous for doing NOTHING!” but does talent really have to be a factor when your hindquarters are this stupefying? Sometimes beauty is all you need for fame. Look at Helen of Troy, Megan Fox, and, um… I don’t know. Leif Garrett.
