New York City has the Guggenheim and late-night soul food and Central Park. Los Angeles has sunny skies and the entertainment industry. What do we have here in Chicago? Hot dogs! And Dee Snider with boobs jumping into a pile of white people! Lollapalooza was this past weekend and Lady Gaga performed in a mosquito net and shimmery nipple stars. Things sure have changed since the Lollapalooza of the ’90s. Back then, Courtney Love wore a ripped-up dress and dove into a crowd of waiting fans. Now, Lady Gaga wore a ripped-up hairnet and jumped into a pile of Canons and iPhones held aloft. Kids today. It must be weird looking at the world through a tiny phone lens. In related news, the AARP discount at Perkins is awesome!
Do you remember the movie Cat’s Eye, with Drew Barrymore, and the titular feline would steal the breath of children? That movie must have scared the hell out of a young Lady Gaga, because she’s afraid that if she screws a dude, he will suck her songwriting skills straight out of her cooter, as if his penis was some sort of crazy straw. She’s on the cover of the new Vanity Fair, looking like She-Ra meets Lohan, and says:
Lady Gaga tells Vanity Fair contributing editor Lisa Robinson that she tries to avoid having sex because she is afraid of depleting her creative energy—“I have this weird thing that if I sleep with someone they’re going to take my creativity from me through my vagina.”
She also says that she doesn’t trust anybody and doesn’t know if she ever will. Gaga tells Robinson, “I’m perpetually lonely. I’m lonely when I’m in relationships. It’s my condition as an artist.” Regarding men, she says, “I’m drawn to bad romances. And my song [“Bad Romance”] is about whether I go after those [sort of relationships] or if they find me. I’m quite celibate now; I don’t really get time to meet anyone.”
Well, they say that the eyes are the window to the soul, so I guess the vadge is the window to creativity. Which makes sense because the other day I saw some pottery and a latch hook project hanging out of Lady Gaga’s.
Dude looks like a lady. Or maybe that’s “dude looks like a dude”. Here is Lady Gaga (I accidentally just typed “Lady Gagay”, which I’m pretty sure she’d love) in an upcoming issue of Japanese Vogue, dressed as a man. Or maybe these are just pictures of Salvatore Salveggio, the newest Jersey Shore cast member. When The Situation has to rush Snooki to the emergency room after a shocking pickle accident, will Sal be able to step in and entertain the females in the hot tub without melting his spray tan or ruining his Ed Hardy cologne with the harsh Jacuzzi chemicals? Stay tuned!
Remember when Andy Rooney took time out from griping about the decline of rotary phones and how Perkins’s liver and onions doesn’t come with a dinner roll to grumble, “What’s a Lady Gaga?” Now it’s time for another out of touch dude to complain about Gaga. According to Popeater, Jerry Seinfeld said:
“This woman is a jerk. I hate her… You give people the finger and you get upgraded? Is that the world we’re living in now?”
The comedian was referring, of course, to the Mets incident: Gaga, wearing only a jacket and a studded leather bikini, appeared at Citi Field in the middle of the game, claimed her terrific seats and exploded when photographers paid too much attention to her. She subsequently upgraded to box seats — box seats owned by longtime Mets fan Jerry Seinfeld — where she proffered profane gestures for the paparazzi.
“Why is she giving the finger? How old is the finger? How’d it even get to be the finger?” Seinfeld riffed.
Jerry might be pleased to see these pics of Gaga taking a tumble in her intensely stupid Frankenboots yesterday in Heathrow airport. How come Gaga can breeze through security while wearing leatherdaddy chaps and Mike Reno headwear and I get pulled over and patted down for forgetting to put my Binaca in a quart sized Ziploc? Waaah, life is unfair. I need some Fruit Wrinkles an a nap.
An anonymous Russian billionaire has paid $1 million to star alongside Lady Gaga in her latest music video. The 30-year old man, simply referred to as Arkady, will forever immortalized in the video “Alejandro”. Arkady appears next to the 24-year old performer wearing a black leather coat and cap. Related Posts:June 1, 2010 — Watch [...]
When we want serious commentary about the artistic quality of music, we turn to respected critic and scholar Katy Perry. After all, her latest song has lyrics that deal with social injustice and environmental concerns (”Sex on a beach/We get sand in our stilettos/We freak in my Jeep/Snoop Doggy Dogg on the stereo”). While it’s true that Lady Gaga’s new video for her song “Alejandro” is an unwatchably pretentious nine minutes long, Katy’s problem with it is the crucifixes on the crotch and all the gay sex in a churchlike setting. Yesterday, after “Alejandro” hit the internet, Jesus-loving Katy hit Twitter to say:
Using blasphemy as entertainment is as cheap as a comedian telling a fart joke.
That hurt. Low blow. She didn’t really mean that, right? About the fart jokes? Did she? DID SHE???!?!?!?
Gaga and a bunch of ‘mos (by that I mean guys who look like Moe Howard):
Sure, Playboy’s getting a little stale, with the cookie-cutter blondes sporting immobile plastic breasts, their genitalia airbrushed to resemble shiny monkey butts. How to jazz it up? How about a spread featuring a lady wearing nothing but a hat made out of eagle feathers, two hubcaps, and live newts? Despite everyone around her begging her to reconsider, Lady Gaga wants to strip and pose for Playboy. Digital Spy says:
A source said: “No-one wants [Gaga] to do it. Her business people are trying to convince her that it could be seen as being a bit lowbrow and cheesy, and will alienate her fans who like her edgy appeal. She thinks it will be an experience, and she’s always looking to grow as an artist. She doesn’t think there’s anything distasteful about it. She sees it as just another form of expression.”
Last year, GaGa turned down an offer to pose for the magazine but also quipped: “I might change my mind when I have a new album to plug.”
Playboy’s done a lot of shocking things during its run: Marilyn Monroe nudes, raunchy cartoons, that John Mayer “sexual napalm” interview. But this is the first time their centerfold will have a shenis. The times, they are a changin’.
Lady Gaga talks about sexual orientation bias during her interview with CNN’s Larry King. “No person is worth any less than another human being based on their sexual orientation…”
Related Posts:May 15, 2010 — Laura Bush Comes Out Pro-Choice and Pro-Gay MarriageMay 31, 2010 — McDonald’s France releases gay ad campaign “Come As You Are”May 11, [...]
Being a Lady Gaga backup dancer sounds like a plum gig. Good pay, lots of exercise, and you will never want for bedazzled rotating one-legged rubber, glass, and chiffon costumes. But in reality, being the person who does pelvic thrusts during the “puh puh puh poker face” part isn’t as glamorous as it seems. You have to stop screwing. Says The Daily Star:
The Bad Romance singer has banned her dancers from having sex on tour. My tour source told me: “She has made it quite clear to all her dancers they are not allowed to have sex while the tour is still going. She won’t be happy if she finds out any of them have broken the rules and it’s likely they wouldn’t be asked back.
“She wants them to give 100% on stage so she doesn’t want them wasting energy on bedtime action. In saucy routines during the show she pretends to have sex with some of the dancers and wants these bits to look as real as possible. She’s told her dancers they are married to her so they need to fully commit to the tour in every way she requests.”
By “real as possible” she means boners, right? Her own boners, I mean.
New York City has the Guggenheim and late-night soul food and Central Park. Los Angeles has sunny skies and the entertainment industry. What do we have here in Chicago? Hot dogs! And Dee Snider with boobs jumping into a pile of white people! Lollapalooza was this past weekend and Lady Gaga performed in a mosquito net and shimmery nipple stars. Things sure have changed since the Lollapalooza of the ’90s. Back then, Courtney Love wore a ripped-up dress and dove into a crowd of waiting fans. Now, Lady Gaga wore a ripped-up hairnet and jumped into a pile of Canons and iPhones held aloft. Kids today. It must be weird looking at the world through a tiny phone lens. In related news, the AARP discount at Perkins is awesome!
