Mr. Skin has the full report on the nudity in the soon-to-be-released Robert Rodriguez movie Machetehere. Mayra Leal and Alicia Rachel Marek both get naked, but in spite of early reports to the contrary, the Lindsay Lohan nudity is always obscured by hair, an arm, or another person entirely. Curses! Meanwhile, a clip from the first five minutes of Machete leaked to the internet today. We’re waiting for the studio to act outraged, even though it hasn’t opened yet, and the quality of the clip is obviously not from some churl sitting in a theater with an cell phone camera. And it just so happens that the clip features an action that is likely to generate a little chatter; namely, Eva Mendes lookalike Leal standing naked and cunningly pulling a cell phone out of her cooter. And why wouldn’t she, I mean, those things vibrate deliciously and the iPap app makes the yearly gyno exam obsolete.
I’ve been entertaining the idea that Lindsay Lohan slipped the cocaine into Paris Hilton’s purse. Think about it. She just got out of jail and is dying to get the heat off her. Who better than Paris to take a fall and take over the negative headlines? No one would miss her, and besides, she’s already been to jail. She’ll be welcomed back with open shivs and toilet beer! Lindsay, on the other hand, is trying to stir up some good press in the new issue of Vanity Fair. The interview was conducted before she went to the hoosegow, and hoo boy, is it ever funny. Here are a few snippets:
“If I were the alcoholic everyone says I am, then putting a [SCRAM] bracelet on would have ended me up in detox, in the emergency room, because I would have had to come down from all the things that people say I’m taking and my father says I’m taking – so that says something, because I was fine.”
“I’ve never abused prescription drugs. I never have – never in my life. I have no desire to. That’s not who I am. I’ve admitted to the things that I’ve done – to, you know, dabbling in certain things and trying things ’cause I was young and curious and thought it was like, okay, ’cause other people were doing it and other people put it in front of me. And I see what happened in my life because of it.”
“I want my career back. I know that I’m a damn good actress, and it’s been my passion since I was a child, and I know that when I care about something, I put 100 percent and more into it. … I want the respect that I had when I was doing great movies.
Lindsay Lohan is a damn good actress who has done great movies and never used drugs? Is this Vanity Fair or MAD magazine? Hm. There is a freckled redhead on the cover. God, now I’m completely confused.
She’s out! Lindsay Lohan is out of rehab. Fly free, my little firecrotch. Spread your freckled wings and soar! Apparently, 22 days is long enough to be rehabilitated from not-drugs and not-booze, just an ADD misdiagnosis. US says:
Lindsay Lohan has left rehab after 22 days of treatment.
Ed McPherson, Lindsay Lohan’s civil attorney, confirms, “She has been released from Inpatient rehab.”
Lohan, 24, who checked into UCLA Medical Center Aug. 2 after serving 13 days behind bars, was originally sentenced to 90 days at a treatment facility for violating probation in her DUI case… The actress was escorted out of the facility’s back door into a waiting limousine on Tuesday afternoon.
They say that in rehab, they break down your ego and give you tasks like toilet cleaning to prove that you’re no better than anyone else. “You can be from Yale, or you can be from jail,” is the motto, a friend who’s been to rehab told me. Wonder what Lindsay’s clinic-mates thought when she slipped away from potato-peeling duty and into a stretch limo. They probably sadly pressed their faces against the window while Lindsay mimed humping the limo and gave them the finger.
Well. Shave my head and call me Peanut. Lindsay Lohan isn’t really a drug addict after all. Huh! Apparently that stuff in her shoes really was flour or kaolinite or whatever. And the sad, blank stare she’s affected for the past few months isn’t that of a post-binge downer, it’s just the look of realization one gets when confronted with the knowledge that a skunk with distemper is a better parent than Dina or Michael Lohan. TMZ says:
We’re told Lindsay has been “weaned off” all of her meds — Dilaudid, Ambien, Adderall, Zoloft, Trazodone and Nexium — and has had no adverse reaction. Likewise, she has had no withdrawal issues in the alcohol department. Bottom line — the docs don’t think Lindsay is an addict.
And, we’re told Lindsay was misdiagnosed in the past with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) — which is why she started taking Adderall. The UCLA docs say LiLo does not have ADHD.
UCLA says LILO doesn’t have ADHD? OMG! LILO FTW! YGG! ILU! LOL! SCUBA RADAR KFC.
Lindsay Lohan was released from prison early due to overcrowding and good behavior, and now it looks like she’ll be released from rehab early as well. Why? According to a new interview with Lindsay’s creepy orange mom, it’s because the entire universe has a vendetta against her luminous genius of a child and she’s not supposed to be in there in the first place. I hear that’s also why people were so mean to Mark David Chapman. In the meantime, in case you’re suffering from a bout of acute freckle withdrawal, Lindso is all over the new issue of Maxim, making that strange, lips-parted-knitted-brow look she does. It kind of looks like when my mom is trying to figure out how to send a text message. Here’s a sample of the interview:
What is your advice to others about how to cope with adversity? Stay true to yourself always. At the end of the day, you have to look at yourself in the mirror and be content with the choices you’ve made, and will make, in your life. Go with your gut!
Because going with her gut has worked out so well for Lindsay these past six years.
Lindsay’s brain: “I don’t know. I’m thinking maybe getting drunk, blowing a few rails, then stealing an SUV and crashing it in to a curb might not be the best idea.”
Lindsay’s gut: “Actually, doll, it’s a real peach of a plan, ya see?”
Sofia Vergara says that if Modern Family gets an Emmy nom, she’ll walk naked down Hollywood Blvd. I’m sure she was 100% serious and not being hyperbolic at all. (Hollyscoop)
Naomi Campbell appears before a war crimes tribunal, because that’s what supermodels do I guess. (Popeater)
Lindsay Lohan wants to get her prison diary published. I hear chapter 4 is all about how to make eyeliner out of your own feces. (Yeeeah!)
New trailer for Kristen Bell/Christina Aguilera movie, Burlesque. How timely. Maybe next they can star in a movie called Rollerderby or Flash Mob. (Crushable)
Rebecca Gayheart and Eric Dane will get some money out of that “sex” tape after all. (Allie)
More tragic: the fact that Amy Winehouse is passed out on a picnic table, or those acid washed clamdiggers? Ooooh, I’m such a bitch! (The Blemish)
Lindsay Lohan is tucked safely away in rehab, journaling and jonesing and doing trust falls and stuff. But that doesn’t mean we’re free from her tyrannical reign of gossip rags and blogs. Starting August 10, you can see her online, every day, as the face and underboob of Marc Ecko. People reports:
Before her incarceration, designer Marc Ecko enlisted the actress as his “digital muse” to star in a new interactive ad campaign for the fall 2010 collection of his contemporary clothing line Cut & Sew. Instead of just posing for pretty pictures, Lindsay will appear in a series of online video skits.
“I cast Lindsay because people are fascinated with her – they can either feel good or bad things, but they are feeling some type of emotion. She’s a pop culture icon,” Ecko said in a release.
In the behind the scenes video, Ecko says that he was inspired by the cover of pulp novels, but doesn’t it look more like a Saturday Evening Post cover? I keep expecting to see a winking Norman Rockwell smoking a pipe, dressed as Santa, while a passel of rosy-cheeked children pull a scantily-clad Lohan through the town square after a magical cokesnowfall.
Remember when pre-dead Michael Jackson was acquitted for kid-touching and a lady outside the courthouse jubilantly released doves from a cage? That’s what my heart looks like now because beautiful, speckled dove Lindsay Lohan has been released from jail. But she didn’t beat her wings and head over to the local meth lab or moonshine distillery–she went directly to rehab. TMZ says:
Lindsay Lohan has been released from Lynwood Correctional Facility after serving 14 days behind bars. A spokesman for the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department told photogs gathered outside Lynwood that Lindsay was released at about 1:35 AM. She was taken to UCLA Medical Center to begin her rehab treatment.
She was originally rumored to be going to a far more posh facility, Judge Marsha “Old Ironsides” Revel caught wind of this and instead, ordered her to detox with the common people. Popeater says:
“There was concern that [Morningside Recovery] was not a secure enough facility,” the district attorney’s office told PEOPLE. Lohan will spend 90 days in rehab. After that, she will be on probation until August 2011.
But the people who are producing her weiner-blowing movie will wait for her, right? Wrong. The Fab Life says:
Not a big surprise, but it appears that Lindsay Lohan’s career is going to take a hit on account of all that time she’s spending in jail and rehab. The producers of the much-buzzed-about Linda Lovelace biopic Inferno, which was supposed to mark LiLo’s acting comeback, might be giving her the boot. Filming was supposed to begin in August, but a 90-day rehab stint would certainly make that hard. Word is that Lindsay will be replaced by Sarah Scott who is rumored to have met with the film’s producers yesterday.
This is just like the time I had to go to my grandma’s funeral and missed being in the middle school production of Bye Bye Birdie. Only with more pole-smoking. More pole-smoking at my grandma’s funeral, I mean.
Mr. Skin has the full report on the nudity in the soon-to-be-released Robert Rodriguez movie Machete here. Mayra Leal and Alicia Rachel Marek both get naked, but in spite of early reports to the contrary, the Lindsay Lohan nudity is always obscured by hair, an arm, or another person entirely. Curses! Meanwhile, a clip from the first five minutes of Machete leaked to the internet today. We’re waiting for the studio to act outraged, even though it hasn’t opened yet, and the quality of the clip is obviously not from some churl sitting in a theater with an cell phone camera. And it just so happens that the clip features an action that is likely to generate a little chatter; namely, Eva Mendes lookalike Leal standing naked and cunningly pulling a cell phone out of her cooter. And why wouldn’t she, I mean, those things vibrate deliciously and the iPap app makes the yearly gyno exam obsolete.
